Smash Journal
by Zorua101
Summary: All the Smashers are given journals to write in. Most of them think this is a great idea and a good way to remember their time in the Smash Mansion. What they don't know is that Master Hand is reading their journal entries to find out just what sort of craziness goes on in his mansion. And he doesn't like it one bit.
1. Mario

**Author's note: Guess who's back in the Smash Bros. fandom? Me! :D**

**So, I thought this would be a fun idea. Also, I made a list of the characters' names and then randomized the list using this website I found, so the characters will be in random order. I'll post the list at the end of the chapter. Mario is writing in this chapter.**

**I'm going to write about three days for each character, unless a) I run out of ideas or b) I have so many ideas I have to write a few extra days.**

**As for pairings, well... I'm thinking about it. (Obviously Mario/Peach and Link/Zelda are going to be in it, since they're canon, but other than that I'm still unsure).**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Mario**

Day 1, Month 1, Year 1

Well, it's been a year since the last Smash tournament. Now we're starting a new tournament, with new people. And for some reason, Master Hand gave us all these journals to write in. None of us have any clue why, but we can't exactly argue with him since he controls everything here, so we're just going along with it.

Not all of the smashers for this tournament are here yet. We haven't even been told who they are. There's a small group of us who always come here early to tidy up the mansion (that would be me, Luigi, Peach, Ness, Samus, Fox, Pikachu, Kirby, Donkey Kong and Pit, though Pit has only joined us since Brawl because he wasn't in any of the tournaments before that), but other than that, nobody's here until day 3 to 5. It can be a little lonely.

…And that's really all I have to write. Things can be quite boring when there are only five people, a fox, a Pokémon, a pink round creature, a monkey and an angel in the mansion.

Day 2, Month 1, Year 1

You know what? Maybe boring isn't a bad thing after all, because around here, "exciting" usually means "everyone almost getting killed".

So, Kirby had some fries, and he was spraying ketchup all over them. There was a heap of ketchup on those fries by the time he was done. You could barely see the fries. Then he passed the bottle to Pikachu, who saw that there was no ketchup left, and next thing we knew we were all running around the room trying to dodge the lightning that was flying in all directions. Apparently, Ash's Pikachu isn't the only Pikachu out there who loves ketchup. Anyway, he didn't stop until Samus gave him the spare ketchup bottle. But thanks to that incident, Luigi and Pit ended up in the infirmary. Honestly, only day two and we already have more than one person hospitalized…

Day 3, Month 1, Year 1

The rest of the smashers arrived today. Luigi wanted to come and meet everyone, so he got a pair of crutches and managed to walk even though one leg is still paralyzed. Pit, on the other hand, claimed that both his legs and his arms were paralyzed even though we have proof that only one of his arms is immobile. Maybe it's because we told him that Dark Pit is here…

Wario, being a complete jackass, decided to steal Luigi's crutches and run to the other side of the mansion. We sent Sonic after him, but neither of them has come back. We saw them running across the roof just now, and the hedgehog still hasn't got the crutches back. So much for "fastest thing alive"…

And just like last time, we lost a few smashers. Namely Snake, Ice Climbers, Wolf, Lucas, and Red (Charizard returned without Squirtle, Ivysaur and the trainer). The only person who seemed relatively upset about losing the Ice Climbers was Toon Link, who was close friends with them. Ness locked himself in his room after finding out about Lucas and he hasn't come out yet. Charizard was completely disoriented without his trainer at first, but he's getting used to being his own Pokémon. On the other hand, Sonic was completely ecstatic that Snake was cut (I still don't know what grudge Sonic had against Snake), and Fox and Falco haven't stopped grinning since they found out that Wolf wasn't returning.

Some of the newcomers worry me a little. For example, there's a boxer – a _boxer _against people with all kinds of weaponry and powers?! – and a fitness trainer. Well, two fitness trainers, actually, since there's the male one and the female one. Then there's something that calls itself "The Villager". And last but not least, we have… a dog and a duck.

We also have some newcomers that _don't _make me question Master Hand's mental health – Pac-Man, Mega Man, Dark Pit, Palutena, Greninja, Lucina, Bowser Jr. (and the other Koopalings – oh god, _why?_), the two Robins, Rosalina (along with her Lumas), and Shulk. Dr. Mario is returning, as well as Mewtwo.

Speaking of Mewtwo, we all learned something new today: having him and Lucario in the same room is a _very _bad idea. They will fight. Non-stop. And I don't think we have enough headache pills to keep the whole mansion going through arguments like _that. _Even Marth and Roy weren't this bad back in Melee!

We also had a discussion about the male and female versions of the Wii Fit Trainers, as well as the two Robins. I mean, we can't exactly call both of them "Wii Fit Trainer" or "Robin", it would get confusing. The Trainers issue was pretty easy to resolve – we decided to call them "Ms. Fit" and "Mr. Fit". The Robins were… not so easy.

R.O.B suggested that we call them "Robin-M" and "Robin-F", but they didn't want to sound like robots, so they declined that offer (though the rest of us thought it was good).

Ike said something about calling the female one "the Robiness". His logic went like this: Emperor, empress. Host, hostess. Robin, Robiness. She refused, but her male counterpart was cracking up.

Palutena, apparently, is an anime fan, because she said that maybe the male one was just "Robin" and the female one was "Mary Robin". Then she started talking about alternate universes, and now we're all ignoring her.

Dark Pit suggested "Dumb Guy" and "Stupid Girl". He got two Thorons to the chest for that.

Finally, Shulk came up with a remotely intelligent idea. He suggested that we call one of them "Reflet", which is apparently what the Robins are called in Japan (and none of us want to know exactly _how _he knew that when he'd only just met them). They did a rock-paper-scissors to decide who got the name. Female Robin lost, so now she's officially called "Reflet".

So, that solves all our problems for now. Except, you know, Toon Link's constant pot-breaking, Mewtwo and Lucario's arguments, things disappearing whenever Rosalina steps on them due to the galaxy she has under her dress, Pikachu's ketchup obsession, Fox and Falco driving landmasters indoors, Wario riding his motorbike indoors, King Dedede and Kirby stealing all the food…

Okay, we still have a lot of problems. But I'm sure we'll be able to solve them someday…

* * *

**Ness**

**Fox**

**Toon Link**

**Zelda/Sheik**

**Lucina**

**Shulk**

**Lucario**

**Luigi**

**Greninja**

**Villager**

**Samus**

**Mega Man**

**Link**

**Ganondorf**

**Mewtwo**

**Kirby**

**Wario**

**Bowser**

**R.O.B**

**Pit**

**Reflet**

**Peach**

**Pikachu**

**Ike**

**Donkey Kong**

**Palutena**

**Mr. Fit**

**Marth**

**Falco**

**Diddy Kong**

**Ms. Fit**

**Sonic**

**Meta Knight**

**Mr. Game &amp; Watch**

**Dr. Mario**

**Olimar**

**Pac-Man**

**Charizard**

**Robin**

**Dark Pit**

**Captain Falcon**

**Yoshi**

**King Dedede**

**Duck Hunt**

**Jigglypuff**

**Little Mac**

**Bowser Jr.**

**Rosalina**


	2. Ness

**Chapter 2: Ness**

Day 4, Month 1, Year 1

I can hear people knocking on my door. They want me to come out. But they don't know exactly what I'm doing in here…

See, in the last tournament, I found some blueprints for a landmaster, R.O.B, and Samus's varia suit in a storage closet. It's taken me a year to gather up all the parts I need, but I've finally done it. I've gotten Pikachu to bring me my food in the past several days I've been in here. And everyone thinks I'm in here because I miss Lucas… hah! Lucas was my friend, and I'm sad that he's gone, but seriously, it's not like he died or something. I'll see him again when I go home.

So anyway, back to what I'm building. It's a deadly war machine that I shall call the "Varia R.O.B-master"! With it, I'll be able to win this entire tournament with a flick of my wrist! No more people looking down on me just because I'm among the youngest of the smashers.

And for some reason, when Pikachu brought me my lunch today, he was wearing an odd rubber suit. He said it was something about Master Hand "not wanting another ketchup incident". Well yeah, I remember the ketchup incident from a few days ago, but how did Master Hand find out about that? Does he have security cameras in here or something? Maybe…

Day 5, Month 1, Year 1

So, my theory about the security cameras must be right! Because guess what? Today, Master Hand told me to cease the construction of the Varia R.O.B-master! He must've been spying on me while I was building it. Either that or he was reading my journal, but he's way too mature and sensible to do something childish like read someone else's journal of private thoughts.

…Or is he? I mean, basically the only interaction any of us have with Master Hand is fighting him, so aside from his powers and abilities, we don't know anything about him. Gasp! Or maybe Crazy Hand is reading our journals and then ratting us out to MH! Maybe that's also how they knew about the ketchup incident! I must warn the others!

Other than that, I'll be a very good and obedient child and stop building the Varia R.O.B-master. Yes, I definitely will. I am not lying about this in any way, shape or form. I'm not going to build the machine, no need to be alarmed. I'll stop. Like, legit.

Day 6, Month 1, Year 1

Ugh. I tried to warn the others that the hands were spying on us, but they didn't listen! I tried to talk sense into them, but they believed that our "masters" would never spy on us (except Mario, who suspected that they were probably watching us from above (which is even creepier than my theory), but he never liked the hands bossing everyone around, so of course he'd say something like that).

On a lighter note, the grown-ups are having a party tonight, but nobody under the age of eighteen is invited because, according to Peach, there's going to be "bad drinks that children shouldn't have". Dude. I'm thirteen. I know what alcohol is.

It's sort of a shame, really. I heard that the hands installed a new karaoke machine while we were all away, and I kind of want to see everyone singing while drunk. Oh well, I guess I'll just stay in my room and keep building the Varia R – I mean I'll play video games! That is most definitely what I am going to do this evening while everyone is at the party! No lies here!

…Nope!


	3. Fox

**Chapter 3: Fox**

Day 7, Month 1, Year 1

Oh gods. Why did I let myself get _that _drunk last night? I woke up in the garage, and Falco was snoring _really _loudly right in my ear. Then again, I suppose others had it a lot worse. Some of them woke up soaking wet and covered in empty water balloon shells. Who even gave them water balloons?

Then there was a small group that was playing a game called Robinball. It was basically volleyball, except with Robin instead of a ball. For the net, they lined up some passed-out drunk people on the floor to form a line. Clever, but Lucina was complaining about waking up with her face between Palutena's boobs.

And of course, Peach took tons of "shipping" pictures. She says she has lots of ships involving the new smashers now. Poor them.

Everyone's making a big deal about some video Captain Falcon recorded last night. I don't know what it is, and I haven't seen it yet, but everyone's snickering at me when they walk past me in the hallways now. Falco saw the video and locked himself in a closet. Now I'm even more curious about what it is. I have to go track down Captain Falcon…

Day 8, Month 1, Year 1

It's official: Captain Falcon is an ass. Guess what that video was all about? Me and Falco singing "Starships" by Nikki Minaj. And as if just recording it wasn't bad enough, the bastard posted it on YouTube. _YouTube!_ So now the whole world can see it! I have a reputation to uphold, you know! And if Wolf sees it then we'll never hear the end of it! No wonder Falco locked himself in his closet.

Still, we weren't half as horrifying as Jigglypuff (who is apparently 18 in Pokémon years) and Pikachu (who is 15 and only got in because Jigglypuff let him in when we were all too drunk to notice) trying to sing "Hips Don't Lie". And then there's… whatever Mr. Game &amp; Watch was trying to sing. It was a little hard to tell. Wait, how would a two-dimensional man drink? How did Mr. Game &amp; Watch get drunk?!

On the bright side, I've devised a plan to get that video off of YouTube and I'm going to tell Falco about it in a moment… if I can get him to come out of the closet, that is.

Day 9, Month 1, Year 1

What's the issue with Shulk? He keeps throwing barrels at me and telling me to do a barrel roll. How does he know about that anyway? First he knew Robin's Japanese name and now he knows details about my life. What a creep.

I also finally managed to get Falco out of the closet. I told him my plan, and we're going to put it into action a bit later this afternoon.

Well, what do you know? It worked. I actually didn't think Captain Falcon's password would be that easy to guess. It was "PraiseTheFalconGod". We got the video off of YouTube and deleted it both from the computer and the camera. Now we just have to pray that our friends (and enemies) back home didn't see it…

So now that that's out of the way, I've questioned Shulk about his hobbies. Can't have him stalking everyone in the mansion. He said that his main hobby was "feeling it". No joke. Now that's just weird.

Personally, I think that Shulk is a robot sent by the hands to spy on us. Maybe _that's _how they're finding out about everything we're doing. Maybe I should reprogram him to attack the hands. No, even better, I'll reprogram him so that he's just like the rest of us smashers – as in, _not a stalker. _Yes, that's what I'll do...


	4. Toon Link

**Chapter 4: Toon Link**

Day 10, Month 1, Year 1

This world confuses me. I mean, when I break open pots, there's usually nothing in them. Once I found a bunch of Lumas that someone had trapped so that Rosalina couldn't use them to fight, and once I found Mr. Fit hiding from Ms. Fit (I still don't know how he fit himself in there), but there's no rupees, ever. I asked my big brother about it, but he's just as confused as I am.

…Well, technically Link isn't my big brother, but that's what we say to avoid confusing people. He's actually me from a parallel universe! Which means that we're technically the same age, but I look a lot smaller and younger, so he says I'm his little brother and nobody suspects anything.

The hands finally announced the newcomers' party today, too. It's going to be on day 17. Kind of a random number, but I guess they need a week from now to prepare all the food and stuff. None of us are allowed in the ballroom until then because they'll be decorating. And yeah, the smash mansion has a ballroom. It also has a pool, a hot spring, a games room, a night club/bar, a suite for each smasher, three restaurants, two cafés, and probably a bunch of other stuff I can't remember right now. The hands kind of overdid it when building this place…

Day 11, Month 1, Year 1

I found something in the trash today. Some blueprints for something called the "Varia R.O.B-master". They look like failed blueprints that someone threw out. I wonder what the final blueprint looks like. And who made the blueprints? Who's building it? I wonder if I can have one when they're done.

Aside from that, I tried breaking more pots today, and still got nothing. Well, nothing except Pikachu, because he was sleeping in one of the pots for some reason. He says that Charizard took over his suite for the day because of something or another. What does Charizard hope to accomplish by taking over Pikachu's suite? Huh…

I was in an 8-person smash today! It was me vs. Lucina vs. Mewtwo vs. Shulk vs. Ganondorf vs. Duck Hunt vs. Pit. Duck Hunt won, but I came in fourth place (after Pit and Lucina), and Ganondorf came in seventh, so I beat him! Also, Shulk was in his underwear. I don't know why Master Hand would let him walk around like that when there are children here, or why he would even want to walk around like that when exposed skin is a disadvantage in a fight. I asked Zelda, and she just said "fanservice", but that doesn't make sense. I mean, it's not like anyone's watching us, right?

…Right?

Day 12, Month 1, Year 1

Today I found out that Samus can also fight in her underwear. It shows off all the bruises on her midriff from her fight against Little Mac the other day. Man, he sure was angry about her comparing their heights. Something tells me that he's not too happy about being short. But hey, size doesn't have anything to do with strength! Just look at the Pikmin! They got out of Alph's control and almost beat Marth single-handedly yesterday.

Mewtwo and Lucario still haven't stopped arguing. I think someone needs to find a way to stop them. Reflet said that she was making a potion which would definitely stop them from arguing. I really hope she's right about that, because I have a headache. They keep bringing the rest of us into their fights. Hey, I have an idea! Maybe we should have them fight against each other one-on-one so they can let out their anger. Yeah, that would be nice. I'll suggest that to Master Hand later on.

Huh? Master Hand got Lucario and Mewtwo into a fight even though I hadn't suggested it to him yet. I'd say that maybe he had the same idea as me and wanted to try it out, but he actually stated that it was my suggestion! Weird. I wonder if he's a mind-reader? Or someone's been reading my journal and telling Master Hand about it…


	5. ZeldaSheik

**Chapter 5: Zelda/Sheik**

Day 13, Month 1, Year 1

Damn. I should've spoken to Fox and Falco before they removed that video about them Captain Falcon posted on YouTube. See, he posted something about Link and I on the same night, and I really need it removed, but I could never guess his password (Now I feel a bit stupid after finding out that it was something that obvious). Sigh. And he's changed his password now, so I can't hack his account and remove it myself. Oh well.

Toon Link's idea about stopping Mewtwo and Lucario's arguments didn't work very well. That fight just gave them more things to argue about. Can they not resolve their issues peacefully? Ah well, Reflet's finished making her potion, so hopefully they'll be able to stop yelling at each other soon. And hopefully she didn't overdo it with that potion…

Day 14, Month 1, Year 1

…I think I jinxed it.

No, really. I said "hopefully she didn't overdo it with that potion", and she overdid it. She _really _overdid it. That was just going too far.

Turns out that Reflet's way of making Mewtwo and Lucario get along was with a love potion. I will never understand other women. Why couldn't she have just made a friendship potion or a not-trying-to-rip-each-others'-throats-out potion? I really hope it wears off soon; I can't stand this.

I tried to guess Captain Falcon's password again today. I don't think I even got close. Really, I'm supposed to have the Triforce of Wisdom! I should be able to do something this simple! I tried "WorshipTheFalconGod", "LoveTheFalconGod", "KillTheFalconGod"…

Of course, there's always the chance that it might not have the phrase "Falcon God" in it, but that's extremely unlikely, knowing him.

Oh, I know what I could do! I could ask R.O.B to figure out every possible password and choose the most likely one! I mean, he's practically a computer! I'll go and try that.

Day 15, Month 1, Year 1

Great, just great. R.O.B was randomly (and very inconveniently for me) sent off somewhere else for some reason. That kind of thing happens so rarely around here, it kind of makes me suspicious as to whether or not Master Hand knows what I'm trying to do. But I'm hacking Captain Falcon's YouTube account for a good reason, I swear!

Anyway, without R.O.B, I was forced to come up with something else, and I did. See, Captain Falcon only changed his YouTube password, so I managed to get into his actual computer login without any trouble. All I had to do was click on "forgot password" on the YouTube login page, and bam! There was an email with his password right there. Thus, I hacked his account and, at long last, removed the video. Huh. Why didn't I think of that before?

Still no improvement on the problem with Lucario and Mewtwo. I asked Reflet when the potion would wear off, and she said that it wouldn't. Seriously?! Does that woman not think her actions through before she does something? Link had to explain homosexuality to the smashers who were too young to know about it because they wouldn't stop pestering him and asking him why those two Pokémon were making out when they're both guys. Poor Link…

Maybe I should get Robin to make a reversal potion. But after our fight today, I don't think he'll be speaking to me for a while…

Oh, right! I still haven't told you what happened during the fight between me and Robin. Well, actually, it was a four-smasher match between me, Robin, Shulk (who was in his goddamned underwear _again_), and Kirby. It was a three-stock match, and Kirby had already lost all three of his stock. So Shulk launched Robin at me and told me to hit "the Robinball", so I hit Robin and we ended up playing that game that we devised when we were drunk. We didn't stop until we accidentally hit him too hard and he flew off the stage, using up his last stock.

Yeah. He won't be talking to either of us for some time. So I'll have to get someone else to talk to him. Maybe Lucina? I mean, she's a close friend of his, right?

It's getting late, though… I guess I'll ask her tomorrow.


End file.
